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Sex as… space (introducing Esther Perel)

Is sex something we do or is it a space we enter? I listened to Esther Perel posing that question the other day in her million-viewer-ted talk where she discusses infidelity and the duality of love and desire. As a sex therapist, the idea of sex as a space appealed to me, because it: 

  • Makes it easier to discuss sex. “What does our sex-space look like? What do I want it to look like, what do you want it to look like? How did it change?” 
  • Draws a clear line between sex-life and other areas of life and opens a space for desire 
  • Draws a line between social roles in the sex space and in other areas of life and by that it invites role play 
  • Makes it possible to create a safer space 
  • Allows for clear rules 
  • Allows for risks 
  • Makes it easier to maintain desire 

This article’s original tile was “how kink can help maintain desire”, as all these aspects also are integral ideas of kinky sex. Shaping spaces that invite play and allow the partners to explore boundaries while maintaining clear and respectful communication are classic aspects of kink realities. 

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