uta rothermel

Couples workshop online: Love like a pro

This workshop was developed in-person pre-pandemic but has since moved online. For a small contribution, you and your partner get to explore some of the basics of sex and relationship therapy. Contact me to join our couples workshop online.

This workshop is designed but not limited to people with no previous therapy experience who are contemplating to book therapy. We strongly encourage you to book the full course with your partner (100$ pP). Individual modules are 20$ pP.

In this couples workshop online I am sharing my tools and insights as a couple therapist, giving you something to apply in the day to day between sessions. In this space, you can also share how those insights relate to your experience and benefit from others sharing their perspectives. This is more a workshop than a self-help group, so each session includes input, exercises to try at home, and a recap.

The 2022 slots are full. Next round will be offered in 2023. Please reach out if you’d like to join!

Couples workshop online
1 Beginnings and Basics

1. Self-care and nurturing

The first relationship we’ll work on is your relationship to yourself. This is the foundation of having good relationships with others.

  • common pitfalls in discussing your relationship
  • how to get a clearer idea where you stand and what you currently want in your relationship
  • how to encourage your partner to talk about their perspective rather than attacking you
  • how to support your partner in listening to your perspective until you feel understood
  • how to nurture yourself well while in a relationship
  • top 5 communication mistakes to avoid
2. Communication basics

I’ve learned communication techniques for almost 20 years and worked with them for almost as long. While there are many approaches and methods out there, there are some basic tenets that we’ll focus on in this workshop:

  • being clear about your intentions
  • taking responsibility for the way you would like to be listened to
  • focusing on one person at a time
  • understand the difference between asking a favor and demanding something
  • acknowledging how you and your partner express themselves differently
  • acknowledging different communication needs
3. Commitment and relationship phases

If you keep running into the same roadblocks in your relationship, a maturation step for the relationship may be overdue or you and your partner may be on different pages about whether or not to move forward with the relationship. We’ll look at

  • signs of one or both of you sabotaging relationship progress
  • possible/ classic thresholds in relationship maturation
  • understanding the difference between stages of life and of a relationship
  • how to take the next step
  • how to encourage/ invite your partner to take the next step
  • what to do if one or both of you do not want to move forward with the relationship
  • how non-monogamy can play into this

Couples workshop online
2 Conflicts and crises

If you are seeking support because of struggles in your relationship, we are now getting to the meat. While the basics are also the basis for how you can cope when you are in a crisis, maybe you want to start right where you are: with the crisis and conflicts.

4. Fights and escalation steps

If you are here because you are sick and tired or the arguments with your partner, this workshop is for you. In conflict management, the first thing to look at is the nature of your arguments. You’ll learn:

  • escalation phases and how to recognize them
  • which intervention is warranted on each stage
  • alarming signs to look out for: non-negotiable boundaries
  • how to respond if those boundaries are (repeatedly) crossed
  • factors that drive escalation
  • how much deescalation to expect in your situation
5. Transgressions and crises

If you came here because of an acute crisis, you came to the right place. We’re discussing:

  • why a relationship crisis is so agonizing
  • why transgressions can be so harmful
  • what to expect if you just learned about a transgression
  • how to be there for your partner and fight for your relationship if you transgressed
  • the layers and priorities when navigating a crisis
  • what to expect long-term after a crisis
6. Making hard choices together

Sometimes we need to make hard choices for ourselves or together:

  • how to make hard decisions in general and together
  • typical hard choices within relationships
  • the difference in impact if one of you is going through a major transition vs. if your relationship is
  • default decision styles and how to aim for synergy
  • how to move on a major decision
  • how to navigate mistakes together

Couples workshop online
3 Disconnection and desire

If you are here because everything seems fine but you seem to be growing apart and maybe your sex life went stale, this is the series for you. You are most likely further along in the life cycle of your relationship but I do recommend that you check it out, as these are the foundations for a fulfilling long-term relationship.

7. Sexual deserts and ennui

This workshop is worth your while if your sex-life is not what it used to be or if you are getting ready to commit to a longer term relationship and are worried about where the road leads.

  • most common no-sex-no-intimacy-gridlock
  • phases of a sexual connection breaking down. Ways into the vicious circle around initiating sex
  • failing to transition from adrenaline- to oxytocin-based sex
  • mechanics of reintroducing intimacy: sensate focus and simple exercises
8. Rekindling compassion and love: Touch, intimacy, and mystery

Ready to learn how to rekindle that connection?

  • most common reasons for people to opt out of sex
  • how to rediscover yourself and your partner as sexual beings
  • how to desire what you already have
  • sex as a space and how to get there
  • the importance of open-ended intimacy
  • transition rituals and things to do together
  • roadmap to unearthing the potential of a long-term sex partner
9. Building a shared third

Good communication, love and intimacy sometimes aren’t enough for a relationship to last. Why? Because it may not be enough of a purpose. So if you and/ or your partner seem unhappy without any reason, this may be something to look at. Is there a shared third, as mutual passion, a higher purpose you are aspiring to together?

  • a shared third and why it matters
  • why most people avoid a shared third but really shouldn’t
  • how to find a shared third
  • how to follow through with a shared third
  • how to redesign your shared third if it’s not what it should be

Estrangement and empowerment

Are your friends telling you you’re in a midlife crisis whenever you bring up your relationship? They may be partly right but here’s another explanation: Maybe your agency got lost along the way somewhere. This workshop is for you if you feel like a stranger in your life, experience little passion for your job, family, and relationship and struggle with a growing urge to break free.

10. Feeling like a stranger in your own life

If you feel like a stranger in your life and your day to day has become empty, dull, and increasingly feels like it’s keeping you from working down your bucket list, this session is for you.

  • how we end up living a life we never wanted and how to prevent that from happening
  • recognizing your limitations
  • top issues with assigning responsibility
  • how to rediscover your core values and passions
  • how to support your partner in navigating their identity crisis
  • how to get the support you need if you are in an identity crisis
11. Owning your narrative/ Choosing the best possible life

How to want the life you have and have the life you want.

  • classic characteristics of a passive narrative
  • shifting from an passive to an active narrative
  • re-choosing and re-assessing your life productively
  • becoming creative
12. Building grace and gratitude

In this final module we close the circle and look at some fundamental tenets of human life. How do we achieve dignity and grace and why does it sometimes seem like our relationship is in our way?

  • basics on dignity and grace
  • role of your attitude in the relationships
  • how and why to strive for grace and dignity in spite of your partner
  • the therapeutic potential of long relationships

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