Happiness series

Delayed gratification

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“We’re not usually trying to be happy, we’re trying to avoid unhappiness”  Sure, avoiding unhappiness is not the same as striving for happiness (or fulfillment), yet our day to day lives are structured more around avoiding unhappiness and pain than around fulfillment. This is also because we tend to seek instant gratification over long-term goals, […]

Sex series

Schluss mit Secondhand-Sex

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Heute schreibe ich auf Deutsch, weil ich ein deutsches Buch vorstelle. Marlise Santiagos Text war für mich ein wichtiger Impulsgeber und die erste Motivation, mich mit gelebter Sexualität intensiver auseinander zu setzen. Es folgten weitere Impulse und schließlich die Ausbildung als Sexualtherapeutin und der Einstieg in den Beruf. Nun bin ich über diese tolle Rezension […]

Sex series

Sex as… space (introducing Esther Perel)

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Is sex something we do or is it a space we enter? I listened to Esther Perel posing that question the other day in her million-viewer-ted talk where she discusses infidelity and the duality of love and desire. As a sex therapist, the idea of sex as a space appealed to me, because it:  Makes […]

Happiness series

We have a fixed level of happiness

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To make it short: The bigger share of our happiness is a given, according to the set-point-theory in happiness research, also known as the hedonic treadmill. This observation was first made in 1978 by researchers looking into the development of people’s life satisfaction after events like winning the lottery or having a major accident and […]